barbara friedland

What Not to Wear, part deux

One of my few- truly- guilty pleasures is watching WNTW on TLC.

Of course, it is hard to imagine anyone, sitting up straight, eyes pointed straight at the television.

for the entire hour.

A person is ambushed, humiliated, shown to be a bad dresser but good person, given shopping guidelines

and $5000 to update their closet.

The show has an established pattern, much of which is boring or snarky.  I usually have the program droning on in the background.  I check in to see the initial surprise attack on the unsuspecting fashionably challenged person.  Usually female.  I like to view the stylish rules, and finally the reveal.

I can live without watching hair being cut or make-up applied.  Ditto for all the teary insights when the formerly shlumpy realize that the inside is reflected on the outside.

Or some such tripe.  I want to hear the fashion guidelines.  The advice of the two hosts have helped me make my own wardrobe sleeker, and more adventurous.  It is is now luxe and rich.

I have expanded the bold choices in regard to color and pattern, into my home and its decoration.

Presently, the hosts are a gay man and a high maintenance woman.  Wouldn't it be fun if a new WNTW utilized a straight guy together with a lesbian.

Dreamy transition to proposed television show.

Straight man:  Your outfit is too boring.  You need to show more cleavage.  And hike up

the skirt.  Maybe you can take it to a tailor to have both a front and back slit added.

Lesbian:  You need more flannel.  Nothing says classic like a patterned shirt, work boots and

jeans.  Pants you can buy for less than $20.

SM:  Heels.  Only very high heels.  And more cleavage.

L:  Don't worry about your hair.  Nick will do a buzz cut that takes virtually no grooming.

SM:  Black lace is always nice.  Tops should be tight and short.  Cleavage is never a bad fashion move.

L:  Loose jeans and cords are all anyone needs.  After all, what clothes work better with trucks and dogs?

Wait,  make-up is really not necessary.

SM:  Part of your $5000 should be used for undergarments.  We recommend Victoria Secrets if Frederick's

of Hollywood is too expensive or hard to find.  Push-up bras make any outfit look better.

L:  High heels were invented by men to keep us downtrodden and often crippled.  Birkenstock sandals in the summer and Doc Martens for the rest of the year. And you can have too many LL Bean boots.

SM:  Or there are times when no underwear is needed.  Banish the bra and the panties.  Let us know when you do that; dress that way.

Confused guest:  I thought I was here to update my wardrobe and purchase investment pieces like a black pant, white shirt, trench coat and a beautifully proportioned suit.

SM and L:  Whatever.

Indict Bush.

Grigsby, Cross and Rose- Scammers

Taken in.  And not just my pants.

I was scammed.  Probably for the first time in my life.  Second if you count Dario.

No, Dario was always completely honest. And turned out to be a better friend and father than I had dared to 

imagine or expect.

He used to strut around saying that he would not even consider getting married before he was at least 40 years old.

That was over two decades ago and he is not even close to saying I do.

He has proposed to me several times, but I am certain that he knows I will decline.

But back to the issue at hand.  I sent thousands of dollars overnight to a scam artist.  

In my defense, I have some lingering history that clouded my judgement.

I did have some debts that were recently paid off and I was concerned that maybe I had forgotten about money owed causing a judgement to be placed against me.  Never having been in such a scenario, I could not anticipate what would happen.

Or perhaps I was thinking about lingering problems in my family.  I've had interactions with Baltimore police, who ultimately were helpful and professional, but did lie or bragged about what they could have done.

I was not certain what my child could have done as a teenager.  Was he responsible?

The first call was intimidating.  I should have known when the caller blocked his phone number and claimed to be from the Baltimore County Sheriff's department.  He said that a judgement had been placed against me and I would be called into court.

Ultimately, my employer would be notified and wages garnished.

Clue number one: I live in Baltimore City.  

The caller was abusive, kept threatening to hang up and finally deigned to tell me what was happening out of, as he said, courtesy.

By barking orders at me, the ersatz sheriff kept me off guard.  He gave me the number of a law firm, and an hour window.  If we, the fake lawyer and I reached an agreement, he, the fake sheriff would not file papers.

I should have seen through this charade.  But it was beautifully scripted and well played.

I called the number and it sounded like a law office.  Three names. Grigsby, Cross and Rose. But no one says attorneys at law.

Here is the kicker.  The one who I dealt with, David Cross, would not tell me the name of the debtee.

He was not as funny or nice as the comedian David Cross, if that is really his name. He also threatened to hang up but not before laying out my dire future.  Money owed, court costs, judgement costs.  Finances spiraling out of control.

I should have become suspicious when he could not tell me who I owed the money to....other than the very generic Bank of America.  

I have never dealt with that institution but David Cross, the scam artist not the actor, said that the financial giant buys up debt.

C'mon.  Was it an old Citicard that I misplaced and someone else used?  Tell me.  

A long forgotten bill?

I sent a check overnight and was told that I would receive the paperwork in 7 to 10 business days.

I guess the time length of the scam.

And then, calmly, after chanting and telling some friends, I realized something was amiss.

I phoned the Baltimore County Sheriff's Office the next day to complain and discovered that there is nothing outstanding against me, nor has any judgement been filed with the courts.  Members of that department are more courteous and do not function as process servers. 

Also, I learned that information regarding financial matters is first mailed to the party in question in all cases.

I immediately put a stop payment on the check.  And called the police.  My colleague called the scammers and informed them that Baltimore police were on the case, soon to be followed by their New York counterparts.

I learned a very valuable lesson.  All for less than 25 dollars.  12.60 for the overnight envelope and 12 for the stop payment on the check.

Always get peoples' names and numbers.  Don't allow yourself to be intimidated or rushed.  Never pay for anything, a debt or a purchase, without proof, paperwork and guarantees.  

I think of immigrants or poor folks, unschooled, who are taken advantage of by predators.  More deadly than feral animals.

With legal mumbo jumbo and lies, these people without conscience, steal money.  Usually from those who need it the most.

Grigsby, Cross and Rose- you are scam artists.

.

Know Nothings

In the spirit of working across the aisle as John McCain would say, I am offering to help the new offshoot of the GOP find a good name.

Because, if this party is to survive, it must split in two.

There will be the hawkish and conservative folks, who are fiscally prudent.  They love business and want

to shrink government.  These people are not prying into bedrooms or borrowing money to fund an optional

war.

If such politicians are consistent then the new Republicans must present balanced budgets and fiscally responsible ways to deliver governmental services at reduced costs.  They also would fight against overspending and always be fiduciary guardians.

And then there will be the new political party.  What shall we call them?  Know Nothings has already been used in our history, although it certainly is germane.  What about hateful and intolerant faux Christians and Patriots?

HIFCP

I know.  Too long.

What about the Reagans?  I home school my child, pray to Jesus, stone people I think are gay or Arab.  I vote for the Reagans.

Perfect.

This new political coaltition can be led by Sarah and Todd Palin.  Their chief strategist?  Karl Rove.

It will be a repository for all the bigoted, hateful, ignorant citizens who worship Ronald Reagan, and actually voted for Bush.

For all that it matters, the party could have rallies in churches.  Partisans could meet before they bomb Planned Parenthood offices or try to run over folks who seem to be different.  

Reaganites are free to support torture, treason and unnecessary wars. In their spare time, they could watch Fox News and Nascar.

Maybe, like the Whigs, anti-Federalists and the original Know Nothings, they will become a mere footnote in history.

Return Palin to Alaska; McCain to Arizona and deliver Obama to the White House.

-- 

Michael Savage

What an interesting confluence of words, names and meaning.

Michael Savage, radio talk host who makes Rush Limbaugh seem intelligent.

Actually, Savage is just a nom de plom, stage name.

His given one is Weiner.  

As the French say for women who have wed, nee Weiner.  

Feral dick.  Uncivilized hotdog.  

But always savage. 

There was the time that he had a short lived show on MSNBC.  But alas our hero told a gay caller

that he hoped he would contract AIDS and die.

Lately, this barely human voice box has been peddling the idea that Senator Obama is not a

United States citizen.  And thus, unable to be President of the United States.  According

to the Constitution. 

Who has really cared about this seminal document recently?  Not George W. Bush and his evil

minions.

Michael, may I call you by your one actual name?-- people born in Hawaii are citizens

of our country.  See, it is one of our states and thus part of our nation.

American citizens can travel and live in other places with losing their American identity.

Nor can children renounce their country- not that there is any evidence that young

Barry did so.

In fact, he traded living with his mother in Indonesia to come back to Hawaii, reside

with his grandparents and attend private high school.

Anyway, MS- sounds like a disease- aired a story so scurrilous that even Fox News 

boycotted it.

Some lawyer brought suit challenging Obama's citizenship.

It was also alleged that the Senator from Illinois and the next President of the United States was not returning to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother who helped raise him.

But was in fact, forging a birth certificate.

Sounds like Swift Boating.  Six degrees of T. Boone Pickens and Karl Rove.

The immoral hand of some Republican operative is behind this pathetic 

machination aimed at countermanding the upcoming Democratic landslide.

Mega wealthy PIckens is suddenly concerned about our nation's energy

future.  Now that he is not underwriting false attacks on true war heroes

he is running vanity ads featuring himself as a prophet of wind energy.

My bet is that he owns enough of the technology to earn a significant

profit.

By the way, in regard to the lawsuit challenging Obama's right to 

run for President- it was tossed out by a federal judge.  Having no merit.

But I am glad to see that the Bush-Rove-McPalin-Pickens coterie

suddenly mist up at the mention of the brilliant document that has

guided our nation for 250 years.  

Despite the unrelenting assault on the liberties set forth, as well as 

our governmental architecture- the Constitution will guide us out of 

the Bush moral and financial morass.

Impeach him.  Wait- no time.  Indict Bush.

Defeat McCain.

And find out who financed this treasonous lawsuit.

Clothes make the man

or woman. 

Weighing in on the topic now almost discussed the the point of lunacy- Sarah Palin's wardrobe-  I must say that I understand her need for nice clothing.

People constantly in the public eye, need to look better than presentable.  It is important, unfortunately, especially for women to look great.

My mother always taught me to buy the best clothing that I could afford and use it for years.  Classic styles with expert tailoring and luxe fabrics.

She would often remark that she could not afford to buy cheap raiments.  

Of course my mother would be aghast at today's style conventions.  Mixing patterns and combing basic colors, were to her the height of bad taste.

In her fashion world, the purse always matched the shoes, which were never white after Labor Day.

My wonderful mother would also be horrified at Sarah Palin.  

When I am rich the biggest changes in my life will be able to make larger donations and the means to purchase fab u lous clothes. 

Not hunting and pecking through sales and thrift shops to find great pieces.  But sauntering into boutiques and buying what ever I want, altered to fit perfectly.

I don't begrudge Mrs. Palin the fine wardrobe.  Just everything else.  The black heart, the charges of terrorism, the concerted effort to evince the ugly part of her base's instincts.  

And the lies, power grabs as well as the lack of curiosity and finese and experience.  Just to name a few more troubling aspects of this candidate.

I can be indifferent to the haute couture of Palin because I never believed the Joe Sixpack empathy.  

Such is not in her nature nor is it the concern of the Republican Party.

I don't buy for a minute that the GOP gives a damn about any Joe, including G.I. and Plumber.

They are not the fiscal conservatives trying to limit government.  But patrician folks who regard our treasury as a large ATM machine for thier cronies. 

Right Mr. Keating?

This party has attracted, writ large, people who parade their religion but appear to be devoid of faith or charity.  Scared, narrow men and women who condemn those who are different and can easily deny basic rights to any group. 

From gays wanting to marry to people dying at Gitmo who deserve a trial and basic judicial rights.  If they are in fact terrorists, let this be proven in a court of law.  Show the world that our government, all parts of it, works.

The McCain/Palin team is headed for the ignominy of a landslide defeat.  I can only hope and pray that this woman's true nature manifests to point where she does something so heinous that even the men attracted to her are repulsed.  Her fifteen expanded minutes of Warholian fame must end on November 4, 2008.

So let her dress well now.  I guess it is preferable to field dressing a moose.  If anyone believes that this rapacious, greedy woman will be donating the wardrobe to charity after the election, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.  Or lobby the idea that Bush's legacy will be redeemed by history.

Indict him and defeat them.

Atonement

Forgiveness.  Apparently it is divine.

We need to be able to forgive others and ourselves.

The Jews, every year, dedicate an entire day to fasting and praying for atonement.

Yom Kippur.  Yet, we also say Never Again- to the mass annihilation of our own race.

And others.

To fight against the horrors in Darfur is to honor the 6 million Jews killed by the Nazis.

Forgiving is not forgetting and we all must remain vigilant.  

Trust in your fellow man and lock all the doors.

Some acts are too heinous to ever find grace.

But what is worse; people who plunge into the depths knowing that evil is being

committed or those who are blind to the true intent?

And that is why I am indifferent to the fact that Colin Powell endorsed Senator Obama.

Now, when the Democratic candidate appears headed for a landslide victory.

What courage.

Does leaving his party and presenting a thoughtful and articulate message about 

Obama absolve Powell of his wrongdoing?  

NO.  NO and NO.

Colin Powell, I presume is, was a Republican by accident and opportunity.  He served in

several different administrations, including Bush the younger.

He was one of the few top ranking officials of that reign to have military experience.  Some

believed he was a wise and fair man.

Yet, he went before the United Nations and lied about WMD's in Iraq.  Look at his body language,

preserved and ambered in video.  

He knows that he is prevaricating and being the water boy for the evil liars in the White House.

Colin Powell was probably the only person in America who could have prevented the tragedy of

Iraq.  Baby Bush apparently never listens to his father or 41's advisors.

Cheney and other Neocons pounced into office, determined to invade Iraq, an oil rich nation that

has been a quasi American ally sporadically.

Of course the attacks of 9/11 was their passport.  The Easy Button to a mangled and unnecessary

war.  An international disgrace.

Powell needed to stand up and tell the American people that intelligence was cooked.  Saddam and 

Bin Laden were purposely conflated to confuse our citizens.  Important lives would be lost.

Time and resources squandered.

He knew this.  As an experienced general, Powell also had to realize that the war was poorly planned, 

lacked any level of knowledge about the region and employed pathetic strategy.  He must also been aware

that this would divert our search for Bin Laden.

If Powell had spoken, the press would have listen.  It would have been harder, perhaps impossible 

for Bush and his minions to launch this war, that still has no end.  For us or the Iraqi citizens.

I don't care if Powell endorsed Obama because they are both black.  As my son would have once

observed, they are both light mocha.  

If Powell is seeking salvation or atonement for the sins he committed while pursuing the Bush

agenda, then supporting a candidate destined to win, is not the way.

Clinton, Edwards and all the Senators, both Democratic and Republican,  who voted for the war, share in the blame.

But if one had opposed it, the authorization still would have received Congressional approval.  No one in the

legislative branch had the power to circumvent the Bush agenda.

No one virtually anywhere....

Except Powell.  And he chose not to.  To keep his job, albeit a powerful one.  He was still booted out

a few years hence.

Out, out damned spot.  

The blood remains.

Time management

I have to admit.  I am feeling a little insecure in terms of what I accomplish in any given tenure.

After all George W. Bush destroyed the world in a little more than seven years.  And it took God

7 days to create it.  Quite impressive for old W. 

After all, he spent most of the time biking or drunk. 

Possibly both.

I think of recently convicted Vito Fossella, a United States Congressman who was found guilty of

drunk driving.  The arrest and his inebriated state led to the discovery that the Long Island

Representative had a mistress and daughter locally combined with a wife and three children

back home. And he still finds time to hang out in bars and get blotto.

I barely have time to grade 30 marketing exams.  

Kudos Mr. Fossella.  I assume he will be back to citizen status after the next election.

Which is in less than three weeks.

I have been doing business development for a boutique agency for less than two years.

In that time, Britney Spears got divorced, went crazy, had multiple car accidents, shaved

her head, displayed parts of her anatomy once called private, lost custody of her kids, went in

and out of rehab, attacked people with umbrellas and made a comeback.

Astonishing.

She also appears to either have lost 30 pounds or had a body transplant.

Perhaps it is all done with mirrors and lighting,

I have found that the least introspective people who do not have to read and write

often appear to being doing more.

Earnest Hemingway once stated:  Never confuse movement with action.

Too many people fly around without thinking.

Senator Obama has stated that he schedules time just to reflect.

When one pursues activities like teaching, writing or raising children,

it is hard, nay near impossible to be efficient.  It takes as long as it takes.

Of course certain tasks can be time linked.  Or halted.  As in, If I don't

shoot this wolf from my low flying plane in an hour, I will return home

to ignore my pregnant daughter and special needs baby.

I am suspicious of those who do too much.  All action and no thought

makes Jack...

Well, it makes George a dangerous moron. 

Sarah Palin- ditto.

I don't care if Britney Spears enjoys a number one hit. 

However, if Palin follows Cheney into Blair House, many folks will have time to reflect.

As they sit in the unemployment line.

Alec Baldwin

Oh Alec- how could you?

Do you need money?  I did not think so because last year you were huffing and puffing that

retirement from acting was imminent so you could become an advocate for fathers 

following divorce.  Or some such thing.

Is it the attention?  Do you need people looking at you all the time?  I understand that

folks who strive to be either thespians or just celebrities are craving the spotlight.

What possible reason could you have for the cameo on SNL?

I forgave you for the rude, thoughtless, little pig line.

Let those who have not been parents criticize angry words.

Of course, it is preferable to rant away from recording devices.  

Jesse Jackson and Peggy Noonan also learned that seemingly elemental lesson.

I too have spat some angry words at my son.  He, with the mathematical genius

wiring seems to have remembered each time.

My child, in turn, has been quite restrained.  None of the typical teenage angst of 

I hate you, or variations thereof.  During a particular tense time between us,

he declared that he would enlist in the army, volunteer to serve in Iraq and get 

killed.  For me.

Absolutely.  Fight in a war that I have always opposed for a craven Commander

in Chief who does not demonstrate any concern for the military.

Back to Baldwin.  I have overlooked the problematic siblings and the weight gain.

But the recent appearance on SNL is beyond redemption.

To touch her and say that Palin looks hotter in person, is horrifying.

I don't think Senator McCain could squeak out such sentiments at this point in time,

To offer your arm and pretend escort this succubus off the stage, has no possible

explanation.

Palin is a hateful, lying, vengeful, secretive woman, whom I am afraid, could make us

long for the days of Bush/Cheney.

What Palin has been doing and saying at rallies is tantamount to treason, or perhaps,

simply is evil.

She appears to lack a conscience and memory.  Truth evades her, as often

as her maternal responsibilities.

Palin lost me at hello.  Or the thanks but no thanks to a bridge she really wanted.

I was repulsed at the eBay prevarication and now remain horrified at her

vicious innuendo about Barack Obama.

Lorne Michaels. Shame on you.  But Alec.

You simply should have said:  Thanks but no thanks.

Indict Bush. Now, fiduciary crimes can be added to the roster.

Project Runway

I am starting to becoming slightly bored with this erstwhile program.

The end this time, was disappointing.  Of course this is a reality show,

oft disguised by the talent of the participants.

All such programs are manipulated.  At best, edited and at worse, directed.

But usually sheer joy comes from the ability that we witness.  The creativity that

resides in the designers heads that is transformed into beautiful clothing.

For Kenley not to be booted off in one of the middle episodes, is

heretical.  Besides being a whiny, obnoxious, selfish woman,

she is at best a seamstress. 

She nasally intoned the question why the judges have asked her a number

of times was she copying established designers.

Kenley has repeatedly claimed that she is totally unaware of

of other collections.  She somehow intuits such mimical artistry, independent 

of observation.

She should have been booted for cheating.

Which segues to the final winner. Of the fifth season.

It does not improve my mood that I predicted Leann would snatch

the prize.  But it became clear that she had ability and was a fastidious

craftsman.

Korto should have won.  Therein lies the duality of fashion:

Much of women's clothing  is designed for little boys.  Or Spice Posh.

Excuse, Victoria Beckham.

The clothes look the same on the paper thin models and the hangers.

But some of the participants of Project Runway created clothing for

women.  

Diane Von Furstenberg's seminal entry entry into dresses designed one that

made every figure look better.

Her wrap dress made thin women curvier, and shapely women more svelte.

Brilliant.

Still, last night, the designer for clothing for hangers emerged victorious and the one who loves and

is inspired by women, lost.

And of course, indict Bush.

-- 

Herbert Hoover

Stop impugning this President by comparing him to the man presently taking up space in the Oval Office.

The only similarities between the two men are the fact that the both ran as Republicans and each had to

deal with a huge financial collapse.

Wait, I hear you cry:  they are both homo sapiens.  Okay- they wore clothes and ate food.  But the point is

to examine the men, their legacies and their characters.

No surprise.  Bush fails.

Hoover was a self made man.  Orphaned at nine years old, he still gained expertise and ultimately political power.

Prior to his election as President, he was a mining expert and  a successful consultant.  You don't see the word successful too often in the W. bio. 

Before entering politics, Hoover helped to deal with the conditions created by

the Great Mississippi Flood in 1927.

Hmmm.  Assisting in a disaster.  Again, can't be found on the Bush vitae.

Of course the elephant, GOP or otherwise, in the room regarding the Hoover administration is the Great Depression.  Let us all pray that remains the worst financial situation that this country will have to face.

He did not help engender the situation but exacerbated the country's woes but taking inadequate steps to remedy the fiscal problems.

In his defense, no matter how much effort his successor, FDR, plied in fighting the depression, our nation finally pulled out of it because of a war time economy.  Back then, when we did not borrow to cover our military, wars could be good for the GNP.

Now, military action only benefits a handful of defense contractors.

Speaking of which, and this lends itself to a nice segue, Hoover did not start a war-  optional or otherwise.

Nor was he a traitor.  He did not spy on the citizens or preach false piety.  Hoover was not a advocate of torture and actually was elected to office for his single term.  What that means is that he received the majority of the votes in 1928.  Four years later, when he lost, Hoover did not resume the Presidency.

Bush's legacy of failure will be much broader than Hoover, who is known to history primarily as the person who ineffectually tried to deal with market collapse with volunteerism.  Maybe he should have just thrown money at securities firms.

George W. Bush, striving to be considered as competent as Hoover.

Indict him already.