barbara friedland

Come to Baltimore George W. Bush and wipe your hands on our Mayor’s suit.

Just the suit jacket, Mr. Bush. After all, you are simply trying to smear humanity off of you, not get fresh.

This is not an insult to our new Mayor, who did a fine job, just hours after being sworn into office and able to clear away 100 million inches of snow.

Give or take.

Seriously, former President Bush, visit us.

Yes. Baltimore City is a very liberal, Democratic voting bastion in an extremely blue state.

Now, the word is Democratic, to describe the party you consider opposition and ideally our type of government.

You generally left off the “ic” when referring to this political group, for no apparent reason.

Just like the word “nuclear”. Never could get the hang of pronouncing it. Correctly.

According to ABC News and the Washington Post, George W. wiped his hands on former President Clinton after touching a Haitian person.

Anyway, Mr. Bush, shaking hands is part of being a politician. Not being able to take other folks’ sweat or grime is like a fireman afraid of, well, fire.

Actually, it was captured on tape. See for yourself.

Whew. Previous Chief Executive of the United States or hand towel. Hard to tell.

So, Mr. Bush, come to Charm City.

Enjoy some crabs, steamed with a mountain of Old Bay.

Eating them, your hands can get mighty dirty.

But here, people use napkins.

Hon.

The Name Game. Madoff. As made off with a lot of money.

"A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose". Gertrude Stein

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."  William Shakespeare

Stephanie Madoff, daughter-in-law of Bernie Madoff has petitioned to change her surname and that of her two children to Morgan.

Oy vey.

Not only has this woman seemingly closed the door on her family- granted kin she married into- but has changed her ethnic from Jewish to Gentile.

Okay, there must be Semitic Morgans who chopped “stein” off their given names to assimilate into American culture. But in terms of financial folks, Morgan conjures up J.P. Morgan, with the P standing in for Pierpont. A most un-Jewish appellation.

There is still controversy about Madoff and the involvement of his kith, kin and employees. Allegedly, Bernie was able to pull off a billion dollar swindle for decades all by himself.

His two sons have been adamant in their disavowal of their father's financial schemes.

Since they are either innocent or lucky, it is not surprising that they would want to shed their family epithet.

Some names will never return to favor. Hitler comes to mind. There is an American man, Heath Campbell, who named his son, Adolph Hitler Campbell. The little tyke turned four last December. Unfortunately, for the child’s third birthday party, the local Shop Rite refused to ice in the name of the celebrant and add swastikas.

Hmmm.

The neighboring Wal-Mart had no trouble filling the specific bakery order.

That being said, most folks avoid names such as “Adolph” or “Stalin.”

And the jailed financier’s family is peddling as fast as they can away from “Madoff.”

It is also safe to surmise that not too many babies will be sporting the name Goldman Sachs any time soon.

Snooki, you don't look Jewish

As Mike Myers, in the persona of Wayne would say: “It could happen.”

Anything is possible and a recent incident in New York City illustrates that hoary old adage is true. Luckily, a major tragedy was avoided but some curious aspects to the story have been reported.

An atrium roof, burdened by snow and ice gave way, raining down glass on the glittering guests attending a party.

Snow could cause the collapse of such a structure.Plausible.

Even though the atrium was part of the Sony Building in New York City. Mother Nature is cruel.

Glass came crashing down, but no one was seriously hurt. Thank Goodness.

There were several celebrities in attendance. Of course.

Although there were no fatalities or major injuries, police still evacuated the building. Just being cautious.

Snooki of the reality show Jersey Shore was there with her boyfriend. Don’t know. Love is blind? Hormones?

The cast of Jersey Shore and Chris Noth were at the same party. Okay, Hollywood is a big tent.

They were all celebrating Purim.

??????

Impossible.

Thanks for coming to Baltimore Rich Vos

What happens when most, or at least some, of Jewish comedians marry gentile wives?

Richard Vos is a Jewish-comedian. Some would say that he is a Jewishcomedian. It is hard to separate one aspect of his persona from the other.

He was in town last week at a local comedy club, McGooby’s, on Harford Road. 

Vos is a funny, keen observer of life with decades of experience being on the road.

He second wife is Bonnie McFarlane. Jon Stewart, another Semitic commentator also married outside of the faith.

Of course, there are more. Many more.

It is hard to imagine these two, and other comics, without the cultural/religious/racial prism of Judaism.

Presently, there seems to be an epidemic of stand-ups. Like weeds, they are everywhere. Each time one retires to a cubicle or a steady paycheck, several more take his place.

Thus, the law of large numbers determines that Jews do not dominate the industry, like they once did.
Of course there was a time that Jewish influence extended far beyond the borscht belt and funny routines to studio control. Hollywood was like Miami Beach or an Israeli kibbutz.

What do you mean minority group?

But now, Jewish angst is being diluted by intermarriage, assimilation and refocus.

Instead of Lenny Bruce, the Marx Brothers and Stooges Three, America is entertained by the likes of overpaid late night hosts, who fight, fume and hit on staffers. The humor is snarky, sometimes mean, but usually safe.

Judaism is similar to the question in the poem: The Blind Men and the Elephant.

Each man sightlessly gropes for a different part of the pachyderm’s body and then likens the animal to something else.

For it is so very much like a wall, rope or fan.

Thus Judaism is a religion for some, or their culture and for others, an ethnic identity. Many embrace all aspects.

But in terms of comedy and Semitic angst. As long as the old guard is losing their roots, all that is left is……….

The likes of Carrot Top.

Baltimore prisons serve food

For the three members of a so-called cult, just convicted in a Baltimore City court for starving a toddler for failing to say “amen” at the end of a meal, that is good news.

These people, two followers and a “Queen,” lived together and adhered to the ukase of the leader who said that Javon must be denied food and water because he failed to end meals with this word. They deny that they are part of a cult.

Fine, then these folks, and the others  around them, are sadistic and evil people who do not understand basic body chemistry and what sustains life.

As the child grew weaker, and moaned in agony, no one thought to feed him. Or did not believe that God, or whomever they prayed to would prefer a robust baby to one word that truly has no power or meaning.

The mother of the young boy was present while her child was denied both food and water and, finally, perished.

She has made a deal with prosecutors and pled guilty to child abuse. No jail time is anticipated for her and an implausible stipulation was attached to the agreement.

If her son is resurrected, all charges will be dropped. In other words, all legal actions will be null and void if the boy resumes living.

For any attorney to be party to this and even entertain the notion that the tortured child will return from the dead is unconscionable.

It has been determined that the mother needs psychiatric care.

It is certain that no matter what program treats her, she will be never be denied food and water.

Sarah Palin is whining again

Oh Sarah.  Really, it is not always about you.  Really.

Although too much is written about this no nothing, know nothing.  I want to people who collect my garbage, serve my food and fix my car to have more smarts that this woman.

Luckily, that's not a difficult goal to reach.  Hey, probably two of my three cats have more on the ball then the former Governor of Alaska.

She does have something that certain folks relate to or rejoice in.  Not people I want to hang out with, or collect my garbage, serve my food or fix my car.

She is truly an empty vessel with angry, racist or alienated citizens.  That must be the case because Palin's words can not be scrutinized, even lightly.  Nor can they be assessed in conjunction with her actions.  As in Sarah, why don't you practice what you preach?

She is also the eternal victim.  Everyone has friends like that and they are beyond tiresome.  Such people are always angry, whining, complaining and shifting the blame.  They never take responsibility and it is a full time job to stay abreast of their feuds.

Palin is currently upset at the cartoon Family Guy, which has lampooned too many celebrities and customs to even begin to list.  The older son Chris, in the episode created the Palin umbrage, is dating a girl with Downs' Syndrome whose mother is the Governor of Alaska.

Okay, none of Palin's daughter's has this developmental issue and she is not Governor of Alaska.  She is a quitter, remember?

Seth McFarland takes on all comers.  His humor ostensibly has no boundaries.  This is not Masterpiece Theater with a detour.

Anyway, she is upset and wrote on her Facebook page.  As the hilarious SNL parody states:  "What are you, fourteen?'

(The with Rahm Emmanuel "apologizing to her.)

But Palin is not the real problem.  She is a sad, wearying harridan.  She is as qualified for any public office, including dog catcher of Wasilla as a bag of lint.

It is the quote unquote mainstream, liberal media that keep propping her up, and framing the failed VP candidate as a contender.

Marlon Brando could have been one, a contendah, but not this gal.

So David Broder and Joe Klein should stop writing such tripe.

McCain is presently busy losing the upcoming primary race in Arizona.  He should retire from the Senate and restore his legacy.

Not having to cater to Neanderthal voters would allow him to redeem his moral compass and conscience.

First order of business: apologzie to the American public for infecting the system with the Palins.

And former Maryland Governor Robert Erlich should say the mea culpa for foisting Michael Steele upon us. First the good people of the line state  had to endure him, which provided getting a leg up into politics. Now, this imbecile has scratched his way into a Republican party leadership position.  And he won't stop talking.

Speaking of talking, Dick Cheney just confessed to war crimes.  Indict him.

Lindsay Lohan and Jesus Christ

Lindsay Lohan and Jesus Christ

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President Obama, only words thus far

Okay, I know that Obama has become the litmus test limning Progressives and Liberals.He continues to be the Rorschach blotch for idiots, crazies, racists and folks who simply do not understand history.

He is also cha ching for conservatives, whether they are bloviating commentators, or had core manipulators who see the fiscal jackpot in organizing the great unwashed.

But there is no true analysis of insanity, except by psychiatrists, not those focused on the public doman.

So back to topic.  President Obama and the liberals.

From what I can see he is constructed of words-  I am immune- weakness, an eagerness to please the wrong folks and bad acts.

As a writer, I am lured by the siren song of beautifully crafted thoughts and ideas.  

But when they are false and frankly, totally disingenuous, then they lose both their poetry and power.

President Obama has demonstrated at every turn that he is a conservative weakling, too tied into the monied interests.

He is not an alien by birth or a Socialist by philosophy.  In fact, he is very much a Republican capitalist.

Laissez-faire until the big boys need help,  The only good welfare is corporate welfare.

Obama came into to office and signaled his seminal stand by choosing James Dobson to be one of the celebrities at his inauguration. Surely, you don't believe that Dobson is a true religious leader?

Obama has tiptoed through his first year, not only losing every fight but running before any problems could manifest.

He refuses to address the crimes of his predecessors, and will not champion what should be one of his life's mission:  health care reform with a public option.  After all, his mother died of breast cancer and did not have insurance.  What could be more important than that.

Every time Obama leaves a room, countless Wall Street folks remain.  Throw a stick into the building housing most of the Treasury Department and it will hit a former Goldman Sachs guy.

Early clue-  Timothy Geithner- GS alum and of the late Leona Hemsley fan club-  only the little people pay taxes.

Of course when President Obama speaks, his oratory abilities prevent another Bush fiasco. Every time the former and unelected President spoke, it was a mashed mess of perverted language and jangled thoughts.

How could I get inspired when Obama takes out the bankers, when he invited them in?

Talk.  Talk. Talk.

Maybe the difference between progressive and liberal is that the latter wants honest words and follow-up actions.

Indict Bush.

Paul Robeson and Barack Obama

One of these two men are my heroes.  Clue, not the current President.

My admiration of the singer/activist is second generation.  My father, also a  New Jersey communist attended Rutgers College , as did Robeson.  My father admired him greatly.

Robeson could not attend Princeton because he was black, my father being denied access to MIT due to quotas for Jewish students.

Robeson had a brilliant voice, talent and acute intelligence.  Still, he managed to offend a lot of folks during his career.

Blacks for singing in dialect and being colorblind in whom he supported. Robeson crusaded for the oppressed, be they Welsh coal miners or the American civil rights movement.

The singer met with President Truman to ask him to speak out against lynching.

Truman refused.

What upset most people about Robeson is that he was an avowed Communist.  For the record, my father explored it intellectually but perceived that it was too Utopian to work.

But Robeson remained loyal to this governmental philosophy and the Soviet Union, even during the Stalin reign.

My theory is that Robeson had no where else to go and had too much invested in the cause. 

President Obama should not make that mistake.  I don't know if he can sing or act but he certainly hasn't been at the forefront of important societal change.

Thus, his life has none of the victories of Robeson.  But he can learn from him.

Obama must divest himself and his administration of the true American predators.

That would be the financial community.

Only on television are criminals sprung from jail to become agents and consultants.

In reality, fiscal villains should never become policy makers.

Obama can say anything.  But as of now, he is lying in regard to the power and access too many Wall Street power brokers have with him and government.

Kick them out.

Prosecute them and make certain that regulations are in place to prevent future meltdowns.

If Obama would take on Goldman Sachs et.al, maybe  many of the Tea Party folks would forget socialism or racism and recognize the importance of reclaiming our country.

Let's face it, enough folks with conservative views, red state residence and GOP bumper stickers put America first when they denied Sarah Palin the chance to be next in line.

President Obama.  We are all waiting.

 Oh and ..... Indict Bush.

Celebrity What Not to Wear

My favorite guilty please is What Not to Wear, the only TLC series that is not voyeurism about little people or programs concerning very outre folks.  Women simply not aware they were pregnant or men who wieigh 600 pounds and ard surprisingly are still a virgin.

One of the downsides of watching WNTW is the non-stop promos for the other shows.  I.e., cake makers and families with children in the double digits.

I am from New Jersey but if I have to hear that Soprano wannabe baker mouth off with no "r's" one more time, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Back to WNTW.  It is my dream to meet with Stacy and Clinton privately.  No camera crews.  Just some lattes and a few suggestions.

In my dream, I would spend most of the time getting the make-up, since I presently wear none.  But my wardrobe is pretty fabulous.  Thanks to my mother, innate taste and the number of hours I have logged watching WNTW.

But wouldn't it be fun to bring public figures on the show?

Dick Cheney.  The hosts would have to find well tailored suits that hid the tail. Creamy Italian leather loafers can mask the cloven hooves. Nick Arrojo, the hair stylist, could find a way to hirsute camouflage the horns.

President Obama.  Just any pants that will complement a tee-shirt with an arrow, I'm with Stupid.  Pointing of course, to all the Wall Street folks who have taken over the Treasury Department.

Michelle Obama, is actually doing just fine.  Keep promoting American designers and clothing companies.

Senator Baucus - a turncoat.

Congressman Joe Wilson, R. SC - a straight jacket.  To be shared with Glenn Beck.  

Rudy Guiliani -  I guess he dresses okay; he needs a competent fact checker before going on television.

Sarah Palin- she already gamed the RNC out of hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of clothing.  She's good.

Rush Limbaugh-  trousers and polo shirts from the Big and Tall shop.  Plus a modern dictionary with the definition of teabagging,

John Yoo just needs accessories.  Whip, black hood, a board and plenty of water.

Bill O'Reilly- whatever predators wear.

The so called liberal media-  the usual expensive suit and RNC badges.

George H.W. Bush- hairshirt, sackcloth and ashes. 

The Supreme Court of 2000, tar and feathers.

George W.-  an orange jumpsuit.

For all that is holy, even though John Yoo was just exonerated by the Obama Justice Department, indict his boss, George W. Bush.